I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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