How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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