ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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