Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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