I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize