I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
