so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You were trust falling into bushes
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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