I swear she didn't look like that last week.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
