The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
