Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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