The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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