wanna go halves on a baby?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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