I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
