I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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