you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
