just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
