I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
