so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
