i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
