He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize