Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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