Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
