Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
