you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
