On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
