i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize