What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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