i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
