I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
