I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
