the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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