he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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