Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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