You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
