I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
