so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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