I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
