you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
