You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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