We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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