I am puke
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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