I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
