Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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