Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
