i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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