i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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