me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
