someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
