he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
