Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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