I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
