Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
