did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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