so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
