can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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