So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Quick, to the slutcave!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She bit a glass in half.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
