All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
