You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
