Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
