i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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