Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
