My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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