i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
