Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
