its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
