You smell like stripper and shame
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
