In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
