do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
