bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
